Born. To. Run.

I’ve always loved running. Forever and ever, amen.

Unfortunately, my body doesn't agree with this notion. For example, here is my body's response to my most recent jaunt, “Sprint? Go for it. You run your little heart out! I’ll support you 110%! Wait, what? You want to run more?! … like, more than three miles ... AGAIN!? WTF, crazy-lady!”

{Insert IT Band and Hip Flexor bis-natches.}

What’s more frustrating than knowing you can do something, having the motivation to do it, and having a body that won’t cooperate?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

{Insert me reading Born to Run, by Christopher McDougall in three days. Followed by two afternoons of highlighting the text, re-reading, and bouncing around my house with hopeful glee.}

I have off and on trusted my instincts when it comes to my knees and running. And over the years, I've made teeny bits of progress. I always thought there was something to running without super-cushioned shoes.

Running with shoes = IT Band being a bitch.

Running with no shoes = IT Band pain non-existent, ankle soreness prevalent, with a side of left foot metatarsal pain.

But, I never trusted myself enough to follow through for very long. I always assumed I was doing more damage than good. And every PT, doctor, or ortho made me feel like that was the truth. They pushed orthotics, better shoes, more physical therapy, blah, blah, blah ...

I now have hope that previously I was simply doing too much, too soon—that barefoot, or cushion-less really IS my solution. I just need to put more time into my training. I need to step back and understand that it’s not about the shoes. It’s about form, stride, and how those cushioned shoes force me to run. In my case—not how I should.

So, as I said, I’m hopeful. I’m scared it won’t work, too. But, it’s either this, or I continue on my already-begun journey of finding something that both physically and emotionally makes me feel the way running does. And that’s no easy feat … pun intended.

Everyone cross your fingers (and your barefoot toes) for me!

monday. tree hunting.

sometimes, life gets in the way of being online ... which, by the way, i am totally ok with. love it, in fact. but every once in awhile, i look at my poor little blog and think about how i really should keep up a bit more than i do.

that being said, several things have happened, most importantly, on 10.10.11 we welcomed another baby boy into our family, barrett. he's wonderful, mellow, happy, and sleeps like a dream. he's smiling, almost giggling, and his brother and sister think he's the coolest. even just two months in, we forget what it was like without him.

last weekend we went christmas tree hunting in northern idaho with the family—always a blast.

... always an event trying to get everyone to look at the camera. no luck yet!

... can't go christmas tree hunting without hot chocolate (and irish cream with coffee for the adults, of course)!

... barrett's first christmas tree hunt, and apparently, he's not impressed.

... grandma gayl and the littlest munchkin

... the whole lot of us!

... miss taylor dragging her find back to the truck.
... daddy and barrett.

... even trying to get TWO kids to look at the camera is just about impossible.
... grandma, kim, and taylor!

watch out for the blog blast that's heading this direction in the next couple days ...

saturday. little women, part deux.

taylor and i had the opportunity to watch little women, put on by the local children's theater tonight with a good friend and her oldest daughter—many thanks to another great friend who's always supporting the local arts. it was the perfect gift and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time!

not only was it a great play, it was so nice to get out of the house with friends and my oldest daughter for the night. it seems more and more i'm realizing that she's growing up ... even when I tell her not to. she cried at the saddest part of the play, which made me cry because i realized she's old enough to truly understand the depth of the story.

*sigh. why can't they stay little forever?

saturday. honesty.

here's what happened today. honest and observant 7-year old, taylor came into the bathroom and commented, "gosh, mommy, i hope all your stretch marks go away after the baby gets here."

a few things happened at this moment.

1. i almost cried.
2. on the outside, i said, "yeah, me too. but you know, no one's perfect, and if they don't go away, it's just how it is. plus, we get your baby brother out of the deal.
3. on the inside, i thought ... along with several other things, "wow, really? can i just crawl in a hole now? as if i wasn't already self-conscious enough at this point."

and then, taylor did something that made my day. she responded to "no one's perfect" with, "but, you're perfect for me!"

proving once again that the only person that cares about my physical faults is my own worst enemy, me.

i have the best kid ever. end of story.

wednesday.

you know it's going to be at least an OK day when you're not so swollen that your wedding ring actually fits for the first time in a month—sweetness!

8 weeks and counting ...

wednesday. addicting.

because i really needed another time-waster ... not. this one is way too fun. it's like searching through never-ending magazines about whatever you want—only in pictures, and you get to instantly add them to your page with all your faves and see how they all look together.



leave a comment if you want an invite to join!

caution: it's addictive.

thursday. how to have a good day.

what makes the perfect day for a pregnant lady? one or more of the following items ... bonus points if you get more than one, and a freaking GREAT day if you get all of them on the same day. please realize, i love being pregnant. i love that this baby is growing by the second. and most of all, i love that he'll be here in three months. the following are simply things that have the potential to make those "blah" days, better.

• no one tells you your boobs look bigger than your baby bump (see image above).

• no victoria's secret catalogs in the mail. and if one happens to make it, your husband rips it in half and throws it away before you even see it.

• when getting ready for work, the first items out of the closet fit AND look good ... no digging in the dirty clothes to find the ONE pair of pants that are comfortable and work-suitable required.

• no one tells you how huge you've become in a matter of weeks. why do people think this makes anyone feel good—growing baby or not.

• zero water retention for a whole day.

• hair and makeup cooperate and foundation does not end up on the belly of the shirt that actually fits you and looks cute.

• the sun comes out for a whole day and you don't have to work. or, you wake up and decide that work isn't going to happen.

• the brewing baby shares a few big flips and sticks his toes out the side of your belly.

• no tying shoes, painting your own toenails, or lying on your belly to get someone's favorite toy from under the refrigerator is required.

thursday. surf's up.

i've been contemplating maternity photos this time around. it's our last baby, and the last time i'll be sporting the belly bump. but, after searching and searching for maternity shoot inspiration, i came up empty and a bit disheartened. if i do a shoot, i don't want it to be the same as everyone else's.

i want something that says exactly how i feel at this point in time. it's summer. i'm pregnant. and there's so much to be happy about. and then i ran across these photos. this is exactly the inspiration i needed.

now, i realize i don't live in a place with water this blue, or sand this white. *tear. but, we live at the beach during the summer. literally, live in the lake. and these pictures are what i've been searching for. colors, textures, and style. the black-and-white shot above is possibly the coolest maternity photo i've ever seen.

i'm thinking, beach day at the lake with the kiddos, sunshine, beach hair, sunscreened-up kids, SUP board, kayak maybe?, belly out-and-about in full force, and my favorite photographer if she'll put up with me for yet another shoot.


these pictures make me sad that i sit at a computer all day for work ...

sunday. the red tent.

i'd been searching for something great to read that didn't involve fancy nancy, the rainbow fairies, the big red barn, or goodnight moon. the red tent was exactly what i needed. and then some. i'd seen it at the bookstore, and at the library, but honestly, had never even read the back cover. it was recommended by a few people when i reached out for a list from friends and checked it out at the library a few days ago.

i finished it last night at 2 a.m., and even then, was sad it was over.

let me start by saying that i wasn't sure about this book before i started it. i'm generally not drawn to religious or even loosely religious based fiction. and the back of the book introduces it's main character, dinah, as jacob's only daughter from the book of genesis. it wasn't drawing my attention like i'd hoped. but, as i read, i realized this book is about so much more, and really only uses the character as a way to share intimate and insightful moments throughout women's history. note to self: don't judge a book by it's book jacket.

dinah, the narrator, opens by introducing herself and explaining that she is reciting the memories of her life and her mothers’ lives—because without a daughter to tell the story, a woman’s history does not live on. dinah focuses initially on the stories of her mothers, the four wives of jacob—and how they come to be married to the same man (p.s. i didn't think i could get past the multiple wives part, but it really was easy when you realized that it's not the focus of the book).

what reached me the most throughout this story though, is the journey of several of these women onto the path of midwifery–extremely successful ones at that. it was awe inspiring reading about these women and their relationships. they brought life into the world, helped helpless mothers survive, and created inseparable, yet complicated bonds amongst each other. a lot of the story is unfathomable to today's world—but so much of what was said, still hits home—big-time.

tuesday. no way!

can you guess the answer to the big question? girl or boy?

good thing i already know the answer and you don't have to wait to find out!

woo-hoo!

tuesday. seven.

every year it gets harder to realize you're growing up right in front of me. i'm so proud of who you are, and i love that i get to be here to watch you grow into the person you want to become.

seven years ago today ...

• i stared at the ultrasound screen at the hospital and realized i was terrified i'd never get to meet you.

• i prayed for the first time—to whomever might be listening—just to make you ok.

• i had never been so scared in my life.

• i met the tiniest baby i'd ever seen—and you were perfect.

• when the doctors let me see you, you pursed your tiny little lips and gave your mommy her first baby kiss.

• i cried. a lot. about everything new thing you did. and seven years later, it hasn't stopped.

• you turned your dad into a big baby.

• my lack of motivation disappeared, and all of the sudden i wanted to do everything, just to show you that you could, too.


things i've learned since then ...

• the day you were born is still the most terrified i've ever been.

• my favorite job in the world is getting to watch you learn and grow, and find things out for yourself.

• i apparently, am never going to stop crying over every little thing you do. get used to it.

• you are the best big sister a kid could ever have.

• you are sensitive, and caring, and always think the best of people.

• you clean better than i do.

• at 7, you have better fashion sense than your entire family put together.

• you are a perfect piece to our family puzzle, and we'd all be lost without you.

wednesday. crazy.

for those who don't yet know ... early october 2011 we'll add another crazy kiddo to our family, making the third and final installment of our family. we are beyond excited and can't wait! we've been waiting a long time for this little bug to come along!

p.s bear with me as i create a new layout for the blog ... it's not cooperating as it should.

tuesday. funny.

whoever wrote this could become my friend very quickly ... not all pc, but funny and true nonetheless.

1. nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2. map quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

3. obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

4. bad decisions make good stories.

5. "do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this—ever.

6. i hate when i just miss a call by the last ring (hello? hello? damn it!), but when i immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. what did you do after i didn't answer? drop the phone and run away?

7. i hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. what a waste.

8. i keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

9. i think the freezer deserves a light as well.

10. i disagree with kay jewelers. i would bet on any given friday or saturday night, more kisses begin with miller lite than kay.

11. sometimes, i'll watch a movie that i watched when i was younger and suddenly realize i had no idea what the heck was going on when i first saw it.

12. i would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

13. i have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

happy friday!

monday. baby shower preview.

well, the breakfast at tiffany's themed shower for my little sister, steph, was a blast! everyone showed up in their little black dresses, complete with pearls and costume jewelry! awesome food, thanks to one of her girls, jolene; and mimosa's courtesy of amy! i have about 500 photos to sort through, but until then, these will have to tide you over ...
mama-to-be in all her glory ... steph and her 'girls' ... 'special' sisters ... lucky duck first-time grandma ...
veteran grandma jilly bean ...



my baby girl ... looking like she's 20 ...

friday. blah.

I don't understand the taboo subject of ... miscarriage. it's like on the lion king when the hyenas hear the word 'mufasa' and start shaking in their furry boots. it's like people see it as being awkward for them ... and therefore, make the person actually dealing with the pain, suffer even more by making them feel isolated and alone.

i'm lucky enough to have a few people in my life who, awkward topic or not, are extremely supportive. but, the overall consensus is that it's just not something we're supposed to talk about. and i'm not good with that. it gives me knots in my stomach, and makes me want to yell in the faces of those people that just because you don't know what to say, doesn't mean you don't say anything! just a, 'hey, i heard about what happened. i'm really sorry, how are you?' does wonders! or even a, 'if you need to talk, let me know.' odds are, the conversation will take itself from there. at least then the person feels like you're there for them.

this is still all very new to me. almost a month now. and most of the time, i'm really ok. i have two beautiful children i adore, and a husband that's the most supportive person i've ever met. and i've not given up on a third baby by any means. i'm working on moving on. and, as i said, most days are just fine.

BUT, i'm allowed to have my days. days where i feel robbed. robbed of a life that was supposed to be part of my family. a life to give my babies a little brother or sister. and there's nothing fair about it. right now, i'm supposed to be enjoying pregnancy, worrying about getting the b-monster potty trained before the upcoming due date, and arguing with my husband about baby names. and instead, i have gut wrenching heartache and sadness for the loss of that life ... no matter how small that life might have been.

i don't care who you are. whether your pregancy is planned, unplanned, wanted, unwanted ... it doesn't matter. the minute that test is positive, a bond has started between you and that life. and to go from planning your life around that to having it just ... gone. it's awful, and so very sad.

on another note, just because i miscarried, doesn't mean i'm not happy for pregnant friends and family. i don't sit around with voodoo dolls wishing bad things. and yet, it's another topic that gets avoided, causing even further isolation from EVERYONE. it doesn't help. for example ... just because your grandma died, doesn't mean you don't ever want to talk about grandmas again ... it will make you think of her, yes. but isn't that part of the grieving process? 'hush-hushing' when the person walks in the room because you're talking about babies = BAD idea. not to mention, it's just tacky. if the person isn't comfortable, they will:

a) say something.
b) leave.

ugh. obviously not the best day in the world. at least i can go have a drink after work, right?

tuesday. the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society.

i don't know how i haven't managed to post about this book yet. i think i'm going loopy. i spent the last two months thinking that you all had been enlightened and had this book shared with you. a thousand apologies. but, so you know, i blame, ummm ... hmmmm ...

soooo, anyway ... a co-worker handed me this book and told me i'd love it. she's usually right, and this time was no exception. as a side note, apparently it's a well-known fact that i gravitate towards the following things:

• food.
• books.
• books about books.
• small towns by the sea.
• stories about incessantly independent, yet lovable women who meet collectively to discuss things they love.
• stories about lovely women that seem to effortlessly weave old school tradition into their modern lives.

inherently, the guernsey literary and potato peel society includes all of the above. naturally, i didn't want it to end. (see previous post for the next closest thing i could find that was similar.)
but, i digress ... it's funny, interesting, warm and fuzzy, wrapped up all fresh and new. i read it months ago, and i'm still sad it's over.

loves it!